Dan's Cahill's 200 Things to do When Bored in Math
by Alex Almighty
Summary: Dan's school life isn't completely boring! He likes to shake it up! When Dan knows math like the back of his hand, he shouldn't have to pay attention! Dan writes a list of the most amusing things to do when bored! The result is totally hilarious!
1. A Genies Idea!

**This is my first week on Fanfiction but this is already my second story. I was not patient enough to wait to post this! I was going through my math notes and they all had nothing to do with math. Most of them looked like something Dan would write... I was inspired...**

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"I have held you later just to tell you that the teachers have been watching you closely, and have come to a conclusion," Mrs. Lenaldre stated. Dan's mind raced. Had they found out that he was the one who had put the plastic wrap under the bottom lids of all the toilets in the girl's bathroom? "We realize you're mind is very brilliant, great at math and holds an amazing memory. You have missed a month of school, do your homework during passing periods, never pay attention in class, yet you'd have all A's if it wasn't for your conduct. You got in trouble three times on just the first day of school, you have random outbursts, and you get distracted easily. The teachers and I just wanted to tell you are a smart kid and if you work hard and look past your ADHD you can really go somewhere." She smiled like she had just fixed his whole life.

Dan had already "gone somewhere". All around the whole freaking world! Dan hated how teachers thought that they could figure him out like he was some sort of puzzle. They were lost. Dan just nodded and flashed a smile. "Okay Mrs. Lenaldre... um... can I go to my class now." As much as he'd love to miss math class, it was awkward being alone with a teacher who was basically telling you that you're a freak of nature.

"Sure, here's a note that explains why you're late. Hand it to Mrs. Collate and please don't read it." Dan nodded and left. As soon as he got in the hallway he laughed. You can't hand Dan Cahill a note and not expect him to read it. He unfolded it and read it, nothing special really. Everybody else was in the classrooms, leaving the hallway wide open and empty. This was the chance he was looking for! He somersaulted, cartwheeled, and even attempted to flip a couple times, all the way to his next period class...

In math class he couldn't stop fidgeting. He had understood what they were taking notes on since kindergarten. His mind understood math. Worst of all, he was by Tricia Colvester who would laugh and flip her hair at everything he said, even if it wasn't funny. At least Izek, his best friend, was two seats down from him. He opened up to the back of his notebook and wrote at the top, "Dan Cahill's 100 Things to do While Bored in Math Class!" He wasn't going to just sit there like a zombie and stare at the board like everyone else... though zombies were cool. He started his list of his most common preoccupations.

1. Write calculator words.

2. Color each square in a fun design on your graph paper. Use lots of color.

3. Make a Flip-Book Movie in the bottom right corner of your notebook!

4. Calculate EXACTLY how many seconds there are left in class.

5. "That's what she said," everything the teacher says in your mind and laugh out loud if it makes sense.

6. Draw dinosaurs and alligators on all your less than and greater than signs.

7. Look in the glossary of your math book for math terms that sound inappropriate. For example polynomial, bicinditional, or postulate…

8. Make up quotes about math that will someday get you famous!

-"Math is the art of giving the same name to different things."

-"Mathematics consists in proving the most obvious thing in the least obvious way."

-"In math, you don't understand things. You just get used to them."

-"Math is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes."

9. Look for shapes of animals, objects, people, letters or other shapes in the ceiling.

10. Pretend you are in pain.

11. Write a "100 Things to do list."

12. Go to the bathroom and climb around on the stalls like a ninja.

13. Count air molecules.

14. Color your jeans with a highlighter.

15. Have a picture war with a friend sitting close to you. RULES:

-The first person draws a picture

-The next person has to make something that will "kill" that thing.

-Keep repeating step II.

-Example: P1 draws a cockroach. P2 draws a bomb. P1 draws water. So on and so forth.

16. Pretend that you're a ninja while sneaking Goldfish crackers from your open lunch box to your mouth.

17. Count the lines on your notebook and the amount of words you write per page. Find the average number of words you write per line.

18. Have a deep conversation with your imaginary friend. Freak your desk partner out.

19. Make words out of named points (a, b, c, q, p, r…) on geometrical shapes or planes.

20. Say "like a good little girl" after everything people say in your head. It is fun.

21. Draw a detailed picture of your "invisible" friend to show to your desk buddy. Explain to them who it is.

22. Pretend to paper cut yourself to death.

23. Make a list of math suicides. (Scissors, paper cuts, calculator concussions, choking on erasers…)

24. Ask if the person sitting next to you if you can burrow some pudding. Continue to ask them every single day at around the same time.

25. Pretend to are paying attention to what the teacher is teaching by nodding and making "Hum…" noises, like you are thinking about the lesson. Act intelligent.

DAN! Yelled the teacher, interrupting his awesome thoughts, are you working out the problem on the board like everyone else? Teachers loved to pick on Dan. If he looked lost in thought, did anything out of the usual, or just opened his mouth… they would attack. That was a major disadvantage of being a class clown, which he had never tried to be in the first place. Dan just flipped to the blank middle section of his notebook incase the teacher walked over and nodded. Tricia giggled. As he expected, the teacher walked toward him and peered at his blank paper. Triumphantly the teacher questioned, "Then what, Dan Cahill, is the answer to the inequality?"

Dan looked at he board thinking for a few seconds. "X to the negative third power over 23 times Y," he replied. The teacher looked baffled and walked away. Dan had to resist the urge to laugh and could see Izek was having the same problem. A couple minutes later the bell rang announcing lunch. Lunch was Dan's favorite subject, however, lunch was not as enjoyable as it used to be. Fiske had told all the teachers and lunch ladies that Dan was allergic to chocolate. Why? So he would be less hyper in school. Whatever… it was taco day! Dan decided to finish his list the next math class.

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Hahaha! Special thanks to April Mayz! She thought of the idea and is a great author! The beginning of the story sadly came from my personal experiences.**

**I will update every other day until it is done! **

**Fiske's method of banning Dan from chocolate... that is exactly what my mom did to my brother for a while. Private message me or comment any of your ideas for the list! I will give you credit if I use them!**

**Also review what is your favorite number so far! I would love to hear.**

**Be sure to check out my other currant story, Amy's Inbox. Hope you like!**

**FOTD: Dan**** asked if he could do his history report on Benjamin Franklin's interest in farts and the teacher scolded him for disrespecting one of the founding fathers. Dan then replied that Franklin's greatest accomplishment could not be ignored. This was in the BBOBS.**

**Where Adventures Begin...**

**Alex Almighty**


	2. The Awesomeness Continues!

"What do you want to do in detention?" asked Dan. "Mr. Williams has bladder problems so we have about ten minutes without a teacher in the room."

"What if we glue all the furniture upside-down on the ceiling so it will feel like we are walking on the ceiling when we are really walking on the floor," suggested Izek.

It took Dan a minute to completely understand what Izek met. "That would be awesome! But that would probably take to long," Dan said sitting at his desk.

Izek sat down in the seat next to Dan. "I know!" he said so loud at least ten heads turned to look at him. "We could wrap you up with Kleenex and tape so you look like a mummy!"

"Perfect! Then we could take videos of me chasing you on my iPod and make a movie!" exclaimed Dan.

"We could even post it on YouTube," added Izek.

"I'm looking forward to detention now!" laughed Dan. "You have to see this list I've been working on in class." Dan started to open his math notebook when the teacher walked over.

"Dan and Izek, didn't I ban you from sitting next to one another in my class?" she asked sternly.

"Yes mam…" grumbled Izek moving away from Dan. Proudly, the teacher walked to the front of the room to begin the lesson. Dan grabbed his punchy pen and continued his list:

26. Name your school supplies.

27. Tie knots in tissues to make dogfaces.

30. Play dollhouse with paperclips and a Kleenex Box with windows and a door cut in it.

31. Color faces on your fingers and name them. Introduce them to your neighbor and ask them what their finger buddies are named.

32. Write your will.

33. Practice your signature.

34. Rant about random things on paper and see how far off the ending subject is.

35. Color in each letter in on a worksheet.

36. Stare at people's foreheads to make them feel uncomfortable.

37. Draw a complicated torture chamber for your teacher. Put an "insert teacher here" sign at the front.

38. Switch off pens every other word in your notes.

39. Say loudly to the person next to you, "They did what? To who?" See how quiet it gets then yell "Eavesdroppers!"

40. Blow your nose loudly.

41. Think of the most annoying song you know. Pretend that you're singing into your microphone (a.k.a. your pencil.)

42. Squint and pretend to squish people between your fingers.

43. Count the number of a specific letter there is on the walls of your classroom. Make a graph.

44. Tally the number of times the teacher says um.

45. Yawn and stretch a lot. Make a big show of it.

46. Write emo poems.

47. Practice your star drawing skills. ********

48. Write a novel. Make sure it's classic material.

49. Whenever the door opens hide and whisper to your neighbor, "It's the ninjas. They're coming for me! AAAAAHHHH!"

50. Take numbers on your paper and transform them into little people.

"I am going to give you some time to work on your homework in class," the teachers voice broke through his thoughts. "Take advantage of it. I am helping you." She went around passing out papers. Dan stretched after sitting in his hard chair so long. Ya right, like the teacher gave them time in class to help them! She just used the time to work on her computer. For all he knew, she could be playing video games on right now! The teacher was fixed on her computer so he crossed his feat up on his desk, put his head back, and closed his eyes. He'd do his homework later... he needed a nap.

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I will update almost every day until it is done! **

**Private message me or comment your ideas for the list! I will give you credit if I use them!**

**Be sure to check out my other currant story, Amy's Inbox. Hope you like!**

**FOTD: **On the Cahill web, it is revealed that Dan had stolen the heads of mascot costumes for his collection. Once, he even glued a teacher's desk to the ceiling during recess. How he glued it to the ceiling is unknown, especially in such a short time and without an adult there to help him.

**Where Adventures Begin...**

**Alex Almighty**


	3. Bending Rules!

Dan's new obsession was seeing how far he could bend the dress code. Today we had stuffed his hoodie with pillows so that he looked fat. Many teachers tried to tell him to remove his makeshift blubber but he had refused. He'd either argue"How do you know that I didn't just gain a lot of weight this weekend? Are you calling me chubby?" and pretend to cry, or state "Last time I checked pillows weren't against the dress code." The teachers never knew how to reply so they generally walked away awkwardly.

Dan squeezed into his desk. To his dismay Tricia sat right next to him. Immediately she started blabbing her oversized lips. "I saw your video on YouTube yesterday… it was brilliant. You should make more videos. I have always wanted to be a movie star! I have sooooooo much potential. Could you make a video with me as the star." She finished with her hands spread out dramatically.

Dan had to force himself not to show a look of disgust. He scratched the back of his head looking for an excuse. Dan was saved from replying when the teacher started class. That was the first time that he had ever been grateful for a teacher. He got out his notebook.

51. Drum random offbeat rhythms on your desk to annoy band kids.

52. Highlight your hair with your highlighter.

53. Draw an animal on your paper. Then cut it out, color it and name it. Proceed to annoying your desk partner with it. Make food for it.

54. Sharpen your pencil whenever the teacher has something really important to say.

55. Teach yourself how to sleep with your eyes open.

56. Pretend to chew gum. (it is fun especially if your teacher hates gum) Also, you can't get in trouble for not actually chewing anything.

57. Pretend to sneeze on your neighbor and insist it's only allergies.

58. Write strange pasts for your classmates that tell how they got to be who they are today.

59. Talk to strangers walking down the hall.

60. Figure out your age in minutes.

61. Talk in a Darth Vader or Yoda voice.

62. When someone asks you a question or for your name say, "That's classified!" When they ask again pretend to cry.

63. Make up cavemen and spy names for your classmates.

64. Write a parody of the Pledge of Allegiance.

65. Pretend that your neighbor is invisible. When they talk, look around like you're confused.

66. Cough or hiccup nonstop to the tune of a song and see if anyone notices.

67. Memorize big math formulas or pi to sound smart.

68. Any time someone talks to you respond with quotes.

69. Decorate your answers.

70. Put stuffing in your book-cover so it doubles as a pillow.

"Dan Cahill!" yelled Mrs. Periwinkle from her desk. Dan looked up, startled at the sound of his name. "Are you going to leave my class or are you going to study your notebook for another hour?"

Dan looked up and realized that all the students were gone except him. He hadn't noticed them leave. "I rather study my notebook," he answered just to see what she would say.

The teacher rolled her eyes. "Never give Dan Cahill a choice!" she mumbled to herself. "Just go Dan!" Dan picked up his things and hurried out of the room. He bumped into a laughing Izek in the doorway.

"That is the funniest thing I have ever watched!" he said. "What the heck were you concentrating on anyway?" Dan handed Izek his notebook grinning.

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**-Read my other story, "Amy's Inbox," if you want to learn more about Dan's YouTube video.**

**-FOTD: When the teacher asked Dan why he had missed the first three weeks of school, he replied, "It's top-secret. If I told you, my family might have to kill you." He also said that he was a ninja lord, and demonstrated by back kicking and accidentally hitting the fishbowl. Herbert the goldfish was said to be in critical condition.**

**-I emailed this the list my crazy friends and they LOVED it.**

**-Please review, I worked hard!**

**Where Adventures Begin...**

**Alex Almighty**


	4. The Voice!

It took Dan 23 steps to get from English to Math. He had counted. He was about to enter the math room when an announcement came onto the loudspeaker. "Mrs. Archogati, please come to the office!" Izek suddenly froze beside Dan and clutched his head.

"What's the matter?" asked Dan quickly.

Izek suddenly curled up in a ball on the floor blocking the doorway. "Oh no! Not the voices in my head again!" yelled Izek rocking back and forth. Dan forced himself not to smile at the other student's expressions.

"It's okay!" Dan said seriously kneeling down next to Izek, "The voice is simply the announcements. Not the spirits within you. They have not awaken yet."

"Oh!" Izek said casually standing up and acting embarrassed. "I knew that."

The pair walked completely inside the room and sat at their desks. Mrs. Petunia walked up to the whiteboard to begin her lecture. The rest of the period, all the other kids kept on sneaking weird glances at Izek. It was priceless! However, Dan would rather finish a certain list then watch everybody's faces!

71. Have a finger dance party.

72. Make multiple duct tape moustaches and switch them out throughout the period.

73. Have a dance party in your seat.

74. Make a personal handbook that fits in your pocket.

75. Pretend the kid in front of you is a leprechaun.

76. Do an Irish step dance well getting up to get germ-blaster.

77. Try to blind other students with a handheld mirror

78. Open a bag and whisper really loudly "Got enough air in there?" When you get funny looks shout really loud, "What? It has air, it's not animal neglect people!" and sit down dramatically.

79. Drop your pencil somewhere to far for you to reach and continually ask your neighbor to get it for you until they get mad...

80. Ask as many ridiculous questions you can squeeze out of a lesson. Ask obvious ones that will confuse your teacher. Example: Do you use the same formula if you are working on a white board instead of the black board?

81. Ask how it can be realistically applied in real life.

82. Try to figure out how to flip your pen around your thumb. If you know how to flip your pen around your thumb, show off to the people who can't.

83. When someone says "What's up", start naming all of the things that are 'up' including the ridiculous ones.

84. Purposely step on people's binders and repeatedly say you are sorry. Every time you see them for the next week say, "I really was sorry..."

85. Put germ blaster in to a folded up tissue so you get a squishy little bag.

86. If you can find those wet wipes that smell like lemon in your classroom, use them to "smellify" your desk, binders, hands, and all your personal belongings. Ask your neighbor if they want you to "smellify" anything for them.

87. Make giant paper footballs and decorate them.

88. Create a special elaborate bookmark for every book you have in your locker.

89. Try to draw a braid. Make each strand in a different color. It is hard but fun!

90. Try to make a pair of 3D num-chucks out of tape and paper.

The bell rang. Dan was so close to finishing! He wondered what list to make next. Maybe he should write the top fifty things to do with your food in the cafeteria. He decided to sleep on it… in the next class.

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**-Almost done! I think I will go to 110! I have so many good ideas!**

**-Third ice day in a row! People are ice-skating in the streets. I have been playing this awesome game in the ice with my cousins. I'll post the rules on my profile!**

**-After the next chapter I will post all of the readers ideas! Please comment or PM them! I'll give you credit. Also, I love hearing success stories!**

**-Does anyone know any really good series to read? I like adventure books but haven't found any good books in like five months! I have already read PJO (amazing), Harry Potter (in a week and a half), and the Kane Chronicles (which aren't as good personally). I need a good series until Vespers rising! Please help!**

**-There was a fundraiser at my school where you could pay five dollars to get your nails painted lime green. It was to support a kid in the grade below us who has cancer. I got mine painted for the cause (pretty manly I know) and now, strangers are looking at me with worried expressions.**

**Where Adventures Begin**

**Alex Almighty, Double A, A-squared (I can do a lot with this name)**


	5. Many Accomplishments!

... 71... 72... 73! Dan stood up and wiped his palms together. He had done it... 73 push-ups. His goal was one hundred.

You see, Izek had bet Dan twenty bucks that Dan couldn't do one hundred push-ups by the end of the year. Dan had taken the bet because he figured that being a ninja, he could do anything.

Dan had created a plan. The first day, he had done three sets of ten push-ups throughout the day. He had added one push-up each day. Now, he could already do 73 push-ups almost effortlessly. Maybe if he did this all his life he could go up to one thousand. THAT would be epic. 73 was such an accomplishment that Dan had to show off to Izek how much he had improved already. Right in the middle of the school hallway.

"Oh my gladiators!" yelled Izek. " You show off! I seriously thought you wouldn't ever be able to go past twenty! Can I PLEASE call off the bet."

"Ya right!" said Dan smirking triumphantly. "Like I would let you do that! A promise is a promise bro! Just wait, in 26 days that money is mine!"

"Bad news Dan-o," grinned Izek evilly. "Tricia was by her locker drooling at you well you did those push-ups."

"Ugh! That girl is probably even more obsessed with me," groaned Dan. "She really does seem to think I don't notice her stalking me." Izek laughed.

They walked into class and sat down. Dan had some work to do.

91. Wave your hand really hard while looking really excited and make, "ooh, ooh, me, me" noises. When the teacher calls on you, look really disappointed and say that you forgot what you were going to say.

92. Make sound effects with your inhaler under your desk. (this may only work for Dan)

93. Put your feat on the bottom of the desk of the person in front of you and bounce your legs. Their desk jiggles and they get really annoyed!

94. Find the end of pi...

95. Draw a giant colorful spiral in the middle of your paper and master the art of hypnotism.

96. Pull pens apart and put them back together... or your desk. Whatever works for you.

97. When there are people behind you in the aisles between the desks, walk REALLY SLOW, especially in narrow aisles.

98. Sharpen your pencil so it is really sharp then sit down. While staring hard at the tip of your pencil, suddenly ask your neighbor if they have any anti-depressants in their backpack.

99. Put your backpack on your legs and and lift up your legs as many times as possible to build muscle strength.

100. Skateboard on the carpet using your textbook.

101. Next time you ask to go to the restroom, pull a diaper out of your backpack before walking out the door. If someone asks you about it act embarrassed and run.

102. Constantly wink at someone you don't know very well.

103. Ask to go to the restroom. Take a snickers bar and squish it in your hands then reach in to the next stall saying "Uh... do you have some toilet paper over there? I've used all mine up."

104. See if you can fit yourself inside your backpack. After class, ask the teacher for their autograph.

105. Stick your head into your backpack and yell, "Pikachu, I choose you!" Then make an explosion sound.

106. Make a slip-n-slide for your fingers on your desk. Use pencils for the bumpers and germ-blaster as the water.

107. Draw a really ugly form of someone and hand it to them. Look really proud and say, "I made it myself! Isn't it perfect?"

108. Start singing the Barney song quietly to yourself. If people join in say, "What a bunch of immature people!" and scoot your desk away.

109. If there is a girl with long hair in front of you, tie her hair to the desk. Leave the class early. When the person stands up to leave... teehee...

110. Pull away your hair and write secret messages on you scalp with pen. This way, nobody will know what you wrote unless they shave your head.

Dan smiled, he was already done! That was so easy for him to create. He mind was buzzing with funny situations. Next he would write down other peoples ideas. He had some time left in class so he

made a grocery list for Nellie. He needed some "school supplies." Well... if you can call bubble bath, alarm clocks, and sparklers school supplies. Which he did.

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**-Yay! For the next chapter your ideas! PM me as many as you want... I didn't get too many.**

**-Also what list should Dan make next? By the way, I am dead. My spirit is writing this.**

**-I have been working on Amy's Inbox. It will be updated by Monday but hopefully sooner.**

**-Just watched the Prince of Persia. Epic! I wish it were a book too because that would be amazing!**

**-Thanks for all the book suggestions last time. I went to the library and stole a bunch of them.**

**-I am horrible at math plus I get distracted easily. Not a good mix. I wish I had Dan's dweeb brain.**

**Where Adventures Begin...**

**Alex Almighty**


	6. A New Goal!

Dan was sitting in math class yet again.

He tapped his fingers on the desk.

He rolled a little rubber ball back and forth underneath everybody's desks with Izek.

He scratched his head to see if he could force himself to get dandruff.

He chuckled realizing dandruff had his name at the beginning.

Needless to say, he was bored.

He really didn't have anything else to do… so he made up his mind to extend his list to 200 THINGS! He wanted to get a world record.

111. Answer the teacher's questions in slow motion.

112. Continuously yawn until everyone is yawning.

113. Ask your professor personal questions.

114. Every time the professor finishes talking clap.

115. Call the professor "Mom" or "Dad."

116. Pretend to be scared of everything.

117. Draw cartoon characters of your classmates or of the professors.

118. Write out a detailed plan on how to conquer the world.

119. Wink at the teacher or at random people.

120. Smile the whole lesson like you are having the time of your life.

121. When the teacher enters the room give a low bow.

122. After class ask your teacher casually to direct you to the potions room.

123. Fake flashbacks.

124. Pretend you are Harry Potter and your scar hurts.

125. Write an anonymous love note to the teacher or a student you don't know and place it on their desk when they are not looking.

126. Before you leave class ask the teacher for a refund.

127. Act like a nerd and snort or pretend you are a gangster.

128. Once the teacher enters the room get the whole class to sing the national anthem

129. Stare at one object in the classroom the entire lesson

130. In your math textbook rate and review the lessons as if they are movies. (Five stars! A truly thrilling explanation of the quadratic formula!) But probably more negative.

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That is right people! 200! This story is so fun I couldn't stop!

I didn't really have enough reader ideas to post yet. Keep them coming so I will!

I got some of these ideas of the internet and changed them a bit. Just wanted to say that so it is not considered plagiarism. Like they say, "Plagiarism is stealing one persons idea. Research is stealing ideas from multiple people."

Super-bowl week! Go Packers! I love football. My football team went to the state championship this year! We lost, but I was still happy. The commercials were great! Especially the Dorito ones! What was your favorites?

PLEASE REVEIW! I check my email like every two minutes just waiting for one!

Have a super learning day! (That is what they say EVERYDAY after the morning announcements for school. They don't even say it with any enthusiasm! It annoys the stuffing out of me! And I don't even HAVE stuffing. Luckily, it is my turn to do morning announcements next week so I am going to say something really interesting. Any suggestions?)

Where Adventures Begin...

Alex Almighty


	7. Colored Duct Tape!

"Welcom class! I LOVE you guys! I cuoldent imagine haveing a better groop of kids!" Nobody in his or her right mind would actually believe that the teacher wrote this on the whiteboard... Dan was the worst speller ever. Luckily, not one person in Dan's class was in their right mind. Dan dodged back out of the hallway where the other kids were waiting for the teacher. Where was the teacher anyway? With overly exaggerated "sneak walking" (as he called it), Dan made his way towards Izek.

"Mission accomplished!" Dan announced into his black watch, even though he was standing right next to Izek. They had bought the watches the day before. The watches didn't really have walkie-talkies built in, and the time was probably the last thing on Earth Dan cared about. The watches were mainly just for effect in their secret agent… well… they didn't like to call it a game. More like a temporary lifestyle. School life was too boring to be reality, you know?

"Coolness!" exclaimed Izek into the matching watch on his wrist. "I mean… Rodger that!"

"Smooth," laughed Dan. "You still have to work a little on the secret agent thing."

Laughing Izek pushed Dan. "Like you're any better! You don't "sneak walk out of a mission! You need to act all casual so you don't rise suspicion."

The teacher finally came behind the class and ushered them in. "Sorry for the delay kids," Mrs. Petunia said when the class was seated, not sounding at all sorry. "I was held up at a little meeting with the teachers." Dan looked at his classmate's faces as they read the message on the board that was behind the teacher. The teacher followed their gaze and looked horrified at the board. Sniffing properly, she violently erased the message with the palm of her hand and faced the class flustered. Pretending nothing happened, she faced the class and clapped her hands sharply. "Nothing to see! Turn to page three hundred and thirty-nine in your Math book!"

Dan smirked at "thirty-nine." He would never think of that simple number the same way again.

As the teacher started to ramble on, Izek beamed at him trying not to laugh. Their favorite thing about Mrs. Petunia, ANYTHING, I mean ANYTHING little could really get on her nerves. She was pretty paranoid about making sure her students didn't ever think she was nice. She thought that being harsh was the only way they'd respect her… maybe for some students, but not Dan and Izek. Making sure the teachers back was turned, Izek held up his notebook towards Dan. There was a drawing of what Mrs. Petunia would look like if she were half hippo… with blood-shot eyes, a mustache, a pierced tongue, and more! It looked stunningly like her. Dan bit his lip to keep from snorting. He bent down to draw a picture that would be even better then Izek's drawing. However, there was a random girl staring at him as if what he an Izek were doing was scandalous. She gave a horrified look and looked as if she would tell the teacher if Dan and Izek continued living fun lives. Gosh… it was just a picture. Tattletales ruined lives! Sighing, Dan and Izek grimaced at each other and turned to have fun by themselves. LIST TIME!

131. Touch a plug and pretend to get electrocuted

132. Write down every word the teacher says so you can repeat it

133. Act as if you were blind

134. Sit on the floor and beg for money

135. Make a list of the best excuses for being late or not handing in your homework. Next time the teacher asks you what your excuse is just hand the teacher the list and say, "pick one."

136. Write an autobiography about your life. Also, you can narrate the class like an old detective film. "The teacher casually enters the room, signs of intensity etched in her face. Perhaps, too intense..."

137. Whistle at random things

138. Pass notes to people you have no interest in or ask personal details about people you would never have talked to.

139. Rhyme the last words of everybody's sentences. (If someone asks "What's two plus two?" Answer "It's four already! I thought you knew!")

140. Search vigorously in your bag/binder for things you know you don't have. Ask other people if they can find it and act frustrated.

141. If someone loses their pen, explain that some people in the world can't afford pens and they need to be more careful. Put lots of emotion into your speech.

142. Bring a blow-horn for no apparent reason and hang it around your neck.

143. Bring a small chalkboard to class. Ask the professor if you can borrow their chalk to take notes.

144. Claim that the teacher misspelled pi. Refuse to accept otherwise.

145. When the professor asks a question, raise your hand. If the professor calls on you, point to someone in the next row and say, "He knows." Pick a different person each time.

146. Bring a typewriter. Use it to take notes.

147. Get up to go to the bathroom about four times during the class. Change clothes every time.

148. Buy a watermelon. Give it to the professor. If they ask say, "The store was out of apples."

149. Bring a fully stocked picnic basket to class. If anyone asks, explain that you didn't have time to eat breakfast.

150. Wear a loincloth to class. Say that it is your costume for the school play, and you didn't have time to change out of it.

Dan wondered if HE would even do ALL of the ideas. Maybe one or two of them were high-fetched. For one thing, Dan would NEVER wear a loincloth. Unless he had to fight in a full out African war… a loincloth would be perfect for that atmosphere. All of a sudden, Dan's eyes trained on a zebra print plastic material sticking out of the corner of the closest in the back. Nobody else knew, but the closet was Dan and Izek's wardrobe to Narnia. Every once and a while one of them would climb inside and interrupt class by yelling, "For Narnia!" in the most dramatic voice possible. They had even created a sign for to hang on it but Mrs. Petunia had made them throw it away. The zebra print material be duct-tape! That was what was on the bulletin board outside. Dan chuckled. He had discovered where the teacher kept the colored duct tape. The rest of the day, was going to rock!

**

* * *

Sorry. Haven't updated for a while. Two words. Maximum ride. Just finished fourth book… fourth day reading the series. I am addicted, which is not good. Me being addicted to anything is NOT good at all.**

**So what did I say on announcements last week? Awesomeness! Unfortunately, I couldn't do anything too crazy because the announcement microphone is in the assistant principal's office. I can easily stand the principal, but not the vice. She has given me detention three times for things I didn't do. She says everything in a slow calm voice but her face always looks angry. She wears way too much makeup and I think she has fangs. Though I haven't quite proved that yet. (grimace) If I said anything about how we were in reality being trapped in torture chambers and forced to do unnecessary work… I would go down. Also, my school starts at freaking kindergarten, so it had to be toned down. I kept my conclusions hasty.**

**Monday- As you go through the school day, may the force be with you!**

**Tuesday- Remember what they say in Spanish speaking countries, "akumba matata," what a wonderful day!**

**Wednesday- I am yogi bear, and I approve this message.**

**Thursday- Cherrio! Live long and prosper! Bon voyage as you go through your day's journey!**

**Friday- Unhello my fellow citizens! (just think about it)**

**There were so many other ways I could have ended. I could have said, "Now it is time for me to order up a McGoodbye!" or "May the forces of evil get lost on the way to you front doorstep!" or even "If I don't return, avenge my death!" It was hard to decide what to say. Which day was your favorite?**

**Also, I could be really fancy, and only my friends and I would find it humorous. For example, "Please turn towards the stars and stripes on our stunning country's flag as we honor our marvelous country that has granted us our marvelous gift of education in the first place." Everyone else thought I was being legit.**

**Review. Still looking for reviewer's ideas for the last page! Also, I love hearing basically anything people say.**

**Where Adventures Begin…**

**Alex Almighty**


	8. No Projectiles!

Dan the Dexterous, Izek the Infinite, and a five Kids the Copycats, marched down the hall proudly wearing buttons that read, "SNFC!" Izek wanted it to be a parade and was throwing ripped up paper confetti at kids in the hallway violently… if that's possible.

Dan didn't want it to be a parade. "This club is an underground committee. You can't make the teachers suspicious," Dan whispered to Izek. "Remember, they don't know the club's REAL purpose yet."

The teachers let them have meetings in their room every week during study hall. That was because the teachers thought SNFC it stood for "Studying's Normally Fun Club."

However, SNFC stood for "Secret Ninja Farting Committee" and Dan was the proud founder. Finally, they reached their classroom.

Let's just cut to the. Class was boring… blah, blah, blah… the teacher was so evil that horns were starting to sprout from her head… blah, blah, blah… and Dan started his list. That basically summarizes the whole scenario.

151. Tear out pages of the textbook and make little origami animals out of them. Have a whole zoo by the end of class. Give them to the teacher as a token of your esteem.

152. Bring a fishing rod. Try to catch things from other people's desks.

153. Bring a tape player and a tape of a thunderstorm. Keep it hidden. Sometime during the lecture, start the tape, stand up, and claim that the professor has angered the gods. Stomp out of class with a huff.

154. Make reserved seating cards and place them on all the desks before class.

155. Tell the professor you are on a new experimental cold medication that may have strange side effects. Every ten minutes or so, run around the room screaming. Afterward, claim that you have no memory of what just happened.

156. Switch the math teacher's lecture notes with your history notes from last term.

157. Bring a light bulb. Hold it over your head whenever you have the answer to a question.

158. Bring an easel and a paint set. Paint a portrait of the professor during the lecture. Say that it is a homework assignment for art class

159. When the teacher comes in, say, very loudly, "Hey! A substitute! All right!" even though it is the real teacher.

160. Come to class wearing the same outfit as the teacher. Call the teacher a copycat.

161. Hide a ticking clock under the podium. Freak out and claim it is a bomb threat.

162. Before class starts, turn your desk upside down. Sit on them like you would normally. Give other people's desks strange looks like they have them the wrong way.

163. Bring popcorn. Throw it and the professor. Complain that these trained animal shows aren't what they used to be.

164. Bring a tape player and a tape of the school bell. Play it 15 minutes before you normally get out.

165. When you take a test, hire a security guard to stand by your desk and make sure no one cheats off your paper.

166. Bring an old fashioned pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!"

167. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak louder.

168. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether he was ever in an episode of Pokémon.

169. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook showily.

170. Sing your questions.

All of a sudden, a rubber band hit Dan in the back of the neck, temporarily startling him. He glanced behind him to see Izek staring way to intently at the teacher as if he actually cared about the lecture and trying not to smile. THIS WAS WAR!

"Um… can I burrow a hair tie?" Dan asked quickly to the girl next to him, not taking his eyes off Izek for a second.

"Uh… surrrrrrrrre…" the confused girl said taking a neon pink band of her wrist. She dropped it into Dan's outstretched palm wondering what he was going to do with it. She was a little bit worried.

"Thanks," Dan nodded in her direction. He aimed carefully at Izek, wetting his lips in concentration. He heard the girl next to him giggle in relief.

"Dan Cahill! Just what do you think you are doing!" Mrs. Petunia yelled louder then all the dinosaurs together did right before they became extinct. Dan jumped at the sharp tone and the rubber band went flying out of his hand. The rubber band sped across the room, missing Izek's smirking head by several inches. Why was HE the one that teachers always caught?

"I was… forming a scalene triangle with a rubber band for a visual aid," Dan said attempting to sound sweet. Amy was much better at that though.

"Your off the hook this time Daniel," the teacher sighed. Daniel flinched at his full first name. "But if you even THINK about throwing projectiles in my class again, you will find yourself sitting in the office before you can say "projectiles."

"Yes, mam," Dan said confidently, laying on the charm. "It won't happen again mam." Whatever projectiles were.

"That is what I thought," the teacher said smugly turning back to the bored. "Now turn around in your seat and sit up."

Well, she wasn't looking anymore. Dan threw a tiny ball of paper at Izek skillfully. "Projectiles," Dan mumbled under his breath with a big smile.

* * *

**-What do you want to see more of? Do you want more Dan, or more list?**

**-The SNFC is property of my ten-year-old brother. It is a true organization... Sadly.**

**-I like writing stuff here if you didn't notice so I am going to write a conversation I had with my older brother, Christian.**

**Me: **Hello bro! How was your day?

**Christian:** It was fine. But after work test-driving went horrible!

**Me:** Test driving… OK. What was the matter, traffic?

**Christian:** No, duh. I drove perfectly the whole way and then at the last turn my car slipped on a banana peel losing the new shell I had just gotten, got struck by lightning, and got ran over by some lame rainbow car!

**Me:** Uh... you look fine considering what happened. Uh... what street were you on?

**Christian:** Koopa Kape.

**Me:** Oh that explains a lot... you were playing Mario Kart!

**Christian: **Well of course! You didn't think those things actually happened to me in real life did you?

**Me: **Um... nooooooooo... of course not... phhhhhh!

**-And the moral of the story is... IDK. What do you think the moral should be?**

**-REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! I updated fast this time so booya!**

**-Keep the ideas for the list coming! They are great!**

**Where Adventures Begin…**

**Alex Almighty!**


	9. Anna Sasin

So Dan's school desperately needed an anonymous person to answer the questions that people submitted to the advice column in the school website. Would Dan sign up for such a nerdy thing like the school website? Heck yeah! They were probably expecting a girl… but Dan had immediately seen the wide array of hilarious possibilities the accompanied this opportunity. (Did that sound smart or what?)

Making sure nobody was looking, he wrote his username for the school website on the sign-up sheet. The best part? They wanted the person to be anonymous so nobody would know! Not even Izek! And they told each other everything! (Besides that whole clue hunt clue hunt thing but that is too serious to count!) What was his penname going to be? Anna Sasin! People would think he was a girl and the name had "an assassin" in it! He slipped down the hallway back to Izek.

"Where were you man?" asked Izek curiously.

"I was having issues in the potty-house!" Dan replied smiling. They had made a vow, not to use the same name for the restroom twice for the next month. It was the funniest thing ever!

Izek sniffed the air around Dan. "Oh, that explains it!" he said casually.

This made Dan want to crack up. At the same time he wondered if he actually smelled bad. He had taken a shower that morning.

"Did you understand the language homework?" asked Izek. "It's due after lunch and I haven't done it yet.

Dan got out the sheet and quickly read the instructions. The teacher was teaching them this thing called the DECK method. Discover, Educate, Create, Know. Apparently those were the steps to writing. "You are supposed to give examples about how you use all four processes," Dan explained feeling quite genius.

"Wow! You are so smart," Izek said quickly filling out his paper against the locker. Dan decided not to tell Izek that he had just read the instructions off the top of the page.

He quickly scrawled his homework. It looked like this:

"DISCOVER how squirrels can deliver top-secret messages!

EDUCATE yourself on the keys to tricking enemy agents.

CREATE a disguise that renders you invisible in a crowd of two!

KNOW how to outride evil assassins with your tricycle!"

"Come on!" said Izek. "The passing period ends soon and you KNOW what Mrs. Petunia does when we are late."

"Yeah, let's go," agreed Dan.

He was starting to like his math class routine.

171. When the professor calls roll, after other people's names scream "THAT'S MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."

172. Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.

173. Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so.

174. Get the teachers attention then hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY!"

175. Address the professor as "your excellency".

176. Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.

177. Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your face.

178. Before class, ask the teacher whether you have to physically be there for the lesson.

179. Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class.

180. Watch the professor thoughtfully through binoculars.

181. During attendance, correct the teacher at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name. Even

it's Smith, claim that the i is silent.

182. Claim passionately that you wrote the class text book.

183. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Sign-up Sheet #5" at the top, and start

passing it around the room. See who signs-up for nothing.

184. Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you spell that?"

185. Disassemble your pen. "Accidentally" propel pieces across the room while playing with the spring. Go on furtive expeditions to retrieve the pieces. Repeat.

186. In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he believes in ghosts.

187. Color a strip of your arm red very lightly. Then, pour liquid glue all over it and let it dry. Sit in front of somebody who gets grossed out easily and pull back the strip of glue with a really pained expression on your face. It looks like you are pulling of your skin!

188. If you see your neighbor itching themselves look amazed and exclaim, "Whoa! I have an itch in the same place yesterday! Maybe we are long lost siblings!" This works best when one of you is Mexican and the other is Caucasian so you look nothing alike. It also works best if they were itching their butt, making it extremely awkward for them.

189. Make a list of what everyone in your classes' powers would be if they were a superhero! Record their superhero names draw their super-suits (But no capes! Edna Mode would kill you!), their super car, or even their sidekick! Example: Drake, the kid who lets one rip every five seconds would be Stencho-Dude!

190. If you are a boy, instead of putting your school supplies in your backpack, put it in a large, leather, hot pink purse. Laugh at people's faces as you walk around with it.

Suddenly, a piece of paper floated across the pages of his notebook. Mrs. Petunia was passing out permission slips to join math bowl! He should join! Not!

"Be sure to have your guardian, dad, or mom sign the line at the bottom," her loud voice erupted over the murmuring of the class. "No matter who you are, it is a good opportunity to consider. Opportunity is knocking on your door! Open your door, and invite it in tomorrow!" What was she a fortune cookie?

Suddenly, Dan got a great idea! And when I say suddenly, I mean suddenly! As in really random.

What if somebody named his or her kid Mom! "Mom! Do your homework!" "But mommy! I don't want to!"

Ah! It would be even funnier if the kid were a boy! That would be classic!

Hmm… Dan suddenly understood what Amy meant when she said that she worried for his future spouse.

Before class ended, Dan had to finish writing this week's agenda for the SNFC. Well, here he went...

**

* * *

-I am thinking of making an SNFC community or something. That would be fun!**

**-The whole "Opportunity is knocking on your door! Open your door, and invite it in tomorrow!" thing was actually what one of my brothers got in his fortune cookie tonight. For no apparent reason, we thought it was the funniest thing in the world. I had started cracking up and choking and milk went up my nose. At least it wasn't Mountain Dew. I know that is quite painful from experience. Anyway, I had snuck away from dinner and rung our doorbell calling. "It's opportunity here fool! Open up!" Are whole family was going crazy with laughter. And there you go, you have just taken a look into my life.**

**-Thanks so much for the ideas for the list and the reviews. I read them all like fifty times and they make me so happy! I give my lowest ninja bow to you! (That is like the equivalent to a bear hug so be very grateful!) You all rock!**

**-Only one page left, and then the reviewer's ideas page! I am debating for my next story whether to do a story where "Anna Sasin" answers your questions and gives you life advice or Dan Cahill's Unwritten Laws of the World. Your opinion trusty disciples?**

**Where Adventures Begin…**

**Alex Almighty!**


	10. Up top for the ninja!

"On your marks!..." Conner yelled in his deepest voice possible (which was pretty freaking high), "Get Set!... GO!"

Immediately, Dan and Izek pushed themselves off the wall. The two raced into the crowded hallway to begin the contest.

"High five!" Izek yelled to a random girl holding up his hand. The girl looked around strangely, wondering what the prank was. Finally, Izek just grabbed her wrist, slapped their hands, then ran to another random person.

"Hey!" yelled Dan, high-fiving a startled younger boy at the water fountain. "You can't do that!"

"Oh yes I can!" Izek retorted slapping hands with a goth kid in the corner. "And I am already at ten!"

"I'm at 11... now 12!" Dan yelled happily. "Remember! You can't get the same person twice!"

Izek gave a hive five to one of their friends who was laughing at them, and sprinted to somebody else. He eyed a bulletin board that was outside one of the classrooms. It had flowers on it made out of cut-out hand-prints!

"Don't even think about it!" Dan shouted, now at the other end of the hallway. "Those SO cannot count!" He ran up to another kid. "Up top for the ninja? Huh?" he asked. His voice was bursting with extreme hyperness.

"The warning bell rings in fifteen seconds!" warned Conner in an announcer voice. "Who will win? We will have to see!"

Finally, the bell rang. Izek and Dan flopped on to the floor, out of breath. Their "counters" came over and whispered to them how many they high-fives they had gotten. In this extreme sport... it was easy for the contestants to lose count or lie, so counters would count how many high fives you get.

"Alriiiiiiiiighty!" Conner said into a fake microphone. "How many high-fives did you receive Dan?"

Dan pretended to grab the mic, and said into it, "37 baby!"

"A whopping 37 high-fives for Dan Cahill!" Conner exclaimed. "What about you Izek?"

"I did even better!" Izek said with a smug victory grin. "I got a whole... wait... I got 37 too!"

"Then it is official! For the second time in a row, Dan and Izek tied."

Both of the boys groaned and stood up. "Not again!" Dan complained.

"Rematch tomorrow?" Izek asked grinning.

"Definitely!" laughed Dan. "Wait... we are almost late for math."

Hurriedly the two boys waddled in to the classroom. No literally, they waddled in like penguins because they felt like it. As soon as they had plopped themselves into there desks, the official bell rung.

"Today class..." began Mrs. Petunia.

Dan didn't hear anymore. He was plugging his ears. Why? He loved to look at peoples lips, and imagine what they could be saying. In Dan's mind currently, Mrs. Petunia was suggesting that the class should have an ostrich race and invite leprechauns from all over the world. The funny thing was, her mouth was moving perfectly with it. All right, enough of that. Let us get to the fun!

* * *

191: Drop your pencil under you neighbor's desk and while picking it up, tie their shoelaces together. Also, you can tie your own shoelaces together. When you get up to leave, trip dramatically, sending your stuff everywhere, and start demanding who tied your shoelaces together. Act incredibly angry, and grumble about what you are going to do to the person when you find out it is them using colorful language.

192. Write funny analogies to normally serious situations. Some examples:

- The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

-He was so deeply in love that when she spoke, he thought he heard bells. As if she were a garbage truck backing up.

-She grew on him like she was a colony of E-coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

-Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

193. Pretend to be a mime and send a message to anybody in your class that's far away or who looks over at you. It would be better if they reply like a mime. If they don't understand what you are trying to say, act frustrated and do a King-Kong impression.

194. Draw wings, devil horns, bunny ears, arrow through the head, or other awesome things, on the board behind your teacher. You can also draw an arrow pointing to them that says something like, "Listen to her! She knows what she is talking about most of the time!" Your whole class will be stifling their laughter for an hour.

195. Discover awesome anagrams. For example if you rearrange the letters in costume, you get toe scum. If you mother-in-law, you get "woman Hitler."

196. Pass a piece of paper around the classroom that says, "Please check under your desks fellow classmates! If you find any used gum stuck to the bottom of your desk, pull it off and pass it to me. I CRAVE gum right now and most of the gum was probably originally mine anyways."

197. Draw a cool shape on the cover of your workbook or notebook. Go over it in pen again and again until it punches out. Depending on the shapes position on the cover, as you finish the pages in your workbook, keep on going over the shape and ripping out the shaped papers. By the end of the year, you will have a awesomely shaped hole through your workbook! My notebook already has a ninja star through the top and I am going to make a heart at the bottom because hearts look like butts, yet you don't get in trouble for drawing them!

198. Make a list of as many creative names as you can for the bathroom. My favorites? The crap cabinet or the land beyond the plunger.

199. Sit cross-legged on the top of your desk, or in your seat and go through the deep process of meditation. Close out your mind to the outside world so you aren't distracted, and discover your inner self. Every once and a while, peek open an eye and lift up the bottom of your shirt to see if you have gained your Buddha belly yet. When you do jump up and yell, "Yes! Buddha has blessed me with a Buddha belly through mental telepathy meditation! Ga!" Then, offer others the rare opportunity to rub you belly for good luck! Even if you have ninja abs like me, you can still have a Buddha belly!

200. Create a song to help you remember your locker combo! Here is mine:

-_One foggy summer day, __**13 **__ninjas went out to play,_

_-They all practiced swinging around their nunchucks, and accidentally hit Bill, Bob and Buck,_

_-They got __**45 **__Band-Aids, to cover Bob's scars, well the other __**2,**__ now live in the stars._

I know, my poem is depressing, but Bill and Buck deserved to die! 13-45-2! Now you know my locker combo! Oh crab... that wasn't smart to reveal. Well... only Izek will read this, and he already stole my combo from the teacher's files! I am sticking out my tongue at this paper right now hoping that when Izek reads this, my wrath is transferred to him.

And this world , concludes my work of epicossity! Thanks for watching!

* * *

Dan looked around at his zombie classmates, triumphantly grinning to himself. He just knew he could do it! He started dancing in his seat happily to the tune of the Bob the Builder theme song. Can we fix it? YES WE CAN! Yay! He had done it! Whoop whoop!

Soon it was the end of class. Izek ran up to him smiling. "What should we do now?" he questioned.

"Hey, lets go blow on those girl's necks and then duck before they see us!" Dan said.

"Okay!" said Izek. "Do you want to see who gets the most?"

"Yeaaaa... actually no," said Dan with a sigh. "We would probably just tie like we always do."

"All right then!" said Izek. "Then let's try to beat our previous record!"

And with that they went shooting down the hall like two maniacs about to blow on the necks of kids they didn't even know... which sadly, they actually were.

It didn't hit Dan until later... he had left his notebook inside the math room!

* * *

**-The End! Beautiful show mate! The next chapter... is your ideas! I tried to make these extra special because they were the last of the list! So, how did you love this over all? Review like you are a plumber reading about a new type of belt that never sags! Don't worry though! The list is done but I am still going to include another glimpse of Dan at school next update!**

**-I just made a clever one-shot, The Clue Hunt: Just Reality TV. It is pretty awesome! Check it out if you haven't already. Also, if you can think of a better title for it, tell me!**

**-Hmm, interesting story! So, today I was jogging. I passed this really tall fence. The only thing you could see was the top of the family's swing set. Then all of a sudden, a cute jack russel puppy pops up. He is just standing on top of the swing set watching everyone who went past curiously. It was hilarious! I barked at him, and he barked back! He said he was stuck (I can understand dog language) and couldn't get down. But anyways, it was evident. So, I went to the house's doorbell, and rang it. A lady came out, sighed, then said, "So? What are you selling?" I was like, "Nothing really. But, there is a dog on the top of your swing set and I think it is stuck. It turns out, it wasn't even her dog and nobody in the neighborhood had any idea how it got there! Now, the people in our neighborhood are going to take turns taking care of him. I get to name him! I am thinking either, Stuck or Swing. What do you think I should name him? That was a long story!**

**Where Adventures Begin...**

**Alex Almighty**


	11. Puckish

"Hmm," thought Mrs. Petunia evilly, "Dan Cahill has left his notebook in class and he normally guards that thing with his life!" She grinned as she strode over to his desk. "This is an ideal chance for me to see what this boy is really doing in class."

She lifted up the notebook as if it were a secret artifact, and brought it to her desk. She pushed her reading glasses up her nose, hoping for something punishable. And funny... but she wasn't about to admit that. That is when she hears the two gruff voices.

"Sir," said a voice that sounded like it was on helium. "We are all out of the forget-me-pills."

"No worries Vip," said an extremely deep voice. "Do you have the forget-me-stick with you? Ah, good. We'll use that. This should be the easiest mission yet so don't screw it up!"

Vip squealed in excitement. "No master," he said.

Needless to say, Mrs. Petunia did not take kindly to voices with no discernible source. "Who's there?" she questioned harshly, looking around the room in her swivel chair. She stood up confidently. "What do you..."

And that is when two burly figures dropped from above and knocked her out with a forget-me-stick. Those things really work! I recommend them! That last thing she saw before blacking out, was a bright red V embellished on the back her captor's black, leather jacket.

* * *

Only a hallway length away, Dan was eating his lunch like no body's business.

Dan spit out the seventeen grapes everybody had collected from their lunches that he had been dared to stuff in his cheeks into a napkin. "That was awesome!" he exclaimed. "I bet nobody could do anything THAT awesome! Seventeen grapes!"

"Bet again!," yelled somebody Dan hung out with all the time but didn't know the real name of. You see, the guy was Hispanic so Dan had only called him "amigo" since as long as he could remember. "I bet I could chug this in less then thirty seconds!" he announced holding up a bottle of cran-apple juice.

"CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" the boys table yelled in unison as amigo downed the whole bottle.

"What was epic amigo!" yelled Dan. "You basically poured that down your throat!"

"I'm awesome at chugging things!" said amigo. "But afterward I feel so light-headed it's not funny!"

"Wait," said Izek suddenly. "When people say, 'I'm so blank it's not funny', why would that even be funny in the first place?"

"Wow!" exclaimed amigo. "You have a serious point!"

"I know right!" exclaimed Dan. "None of the saying people say make sense!"

"Yeah," said Izek solemnly. "If only the rest of humanity was like us... then the world would make sense! Just imagine it!"

Overhearing the thought, a girl at a nearby table choked on her cold pizza at what she was imagining and the paramedics had to be alerted,

"Ooh!" exclaimed Dan happily. "Guess what I finished?"

"Your list?" asked Izek eagerly. When Dan nodded Izek said, "Sweet! I have to see the end!"

"Definitely!" said Dan reaching for his backpack. "Just let me see here..." He felt around inside his backpack in panic. Where had it gone? "Holey Swiss cheese with lots of holes in it!" muttered Dan frantically. "Where did it go?"

"WHAT?" yelled Izek. "You better not have left that in the math classroom! Mrs. Petunia would kill to get her hands on that!"

Dan's face was pale but he managed to grin. "This is a perfect time to test our agent skills!" he announced wiggling his eyebrows.

Moments later, they were in front of the math classroom. The door was closed, which was unusual. Hearing voices from inside, they paused to listen.

"Brilliant!" said a deep voice with a chuckle that resembled the noise a dog makes in it's throat before throwing up. "This is just what we are looking for. Do you have the page to add Vip?"

"Yes master," said a different voice reverently. Dan could have swore the voice was coming from a cartoon chipmunk. "Right here sir."

Izek scooted closer to Dan quietly. "Who could they be? Definitely not teachers!" Izek whispered. "And as much as I despise her, where is Mrs. Petunia? I don't hear her voice,"

"I am going to peek through the window," answered Dan. "Hopefully they aren't looking at the door!" He scooted upward until his eyes caught sight of the scene inside. As soon as Dan saw a blood red V on the back of a man's jacket, his mind understood the possible situation. He swatted back down and looked seriously at Izek. What should he tell him?

"Uh..." Dan sputtered, "I think they are my uncle's friend's cousin's hairdresser. They sometimes works as a substitute teachers. You go on ahead and finish lunch and I will ask them what happened to Mrs. Petunia!"

"Sweet!" said Izek getting up to go. "I hope Mrs. Petunia got ran over by a watermelon truck and in the hospital has an epiphany that she needs to treat us better and bring us candy everyday." Dan forced a smile as Izek ran off.

He stood up and put his hand on the doorknob. He HAD to confront these guys. The Vespers must have found him. Taking a deep breath, Dan charged through the door. Before the two men could turn around, Dan had jumped on to a desk, and launched himself towards their backs. In the air he felt like a majestic ninja warrior, defying the laws of gravity. That feeling lasted about two seconds... let's not get to confident in his epic ninja skills. His feet planted themselves on the back of the two stranger's necks, pushing them to the ground. The impact threw him backward into the air. This time, he felt like a majestic ninja boulder, proving the laws of gravity.

Dan fell on his back on top off a a desk behind him... hard. He felt dazed as the stranger's voices reached his ears from the floor.

"Whoa!" said the man with the deep voice, tasting the carpet. Surprisingly, it tasted like gummy bears... that had been stuck in a sewer for a few weeks. "We just knocked out your teacher and this is how you repay us!"

Dan pulled himself up, and walked dizzily to the two men on the floor. "What do you want?" he demanded. "Nobody messes with a Cahill! Especially Vespers!"

The two men sat up suddenly. "Sir," said Vip to his master excitedly, "this must be the Cahill boy!" Wow. So they hadn't even known before. Dan could have just pretended he was a boy named Pyogenic Granuloma going in to get a notebook he had forgotten in class, and he would have been just fine.

The leader smiled up at Dan... but not evilly. "We don't know who the Vespers are," he said, "but we are spokesmen from the Vermeer Writing Preservation Society." Dan didn't know those big words and stared blankly, hand ready to wedgie someone if necessary. "We are a top secret organization who collects brilliant pieces of writing from all over the world, to post on a phenomenal website. We work for Alex Almighty. He has some puckish suggestions for your manifest!" The man held up Dan's notebook and a separate piece of paper excitedly.

"Phenomenal?" "Puckish?" "Manifest?" What were those supposed to mean? And how dare they have his notebook! At that point, Dan simply grabbed a stick labeled "Forget-Me-Stick" off the ground by the men's feet, and whacked them along side the face. They both slid back on to the floor, knocked out.

"Wow," Dan muttered taking the paper and his notebook out of the man's hands, "I gotta get me one of those!"

He ran off to the lunch room. There, he read the separate sheet of paper with Izek. At the first name on the page, Dan started to doubt the existence of the VWPS. However, as he and Izek read through the ideas on the page, they were wrapped in awesomeness!

* * *

**LucianGurl39**:

-Braid the hair of the person in front of you. Count how many seconds it takes for them to notice.

**splitheart1120:**

-Practice your sketching, singing, rhyming, and other skills.

-Try to get the teacher to help prank other students!

**EifieChan:**

-Put ketchup on your face and sit in the middle of the aisle groaning.

-Bring some fake snakes and put them in your teachers desk before class. (Make sure it's a drawer that they open a lot!)

-Grease the chair of the kid in front of you. (N/A: I recommend Pan, especially for toilet seats! Hilarious!)

-Every time some one gets up to use the restroom, yell "Hasta la Vista, Baby!"

-Draw Pies or Pizzas on all of the circles in your text book, then cut them out.

-Stuff your desk with tiny pieces of paper, ask to use the bathroom, and when you get up, "accidentally" knock over your desk so all the papers fly out.

**1029384756:**

-Every time the teacher calls you to answer a question, give them the most evil look you can.

-Take two small magnets and stick one underneath and one on top of your tongue to make it look like you have pierced it. Show the person next to you.

-Bring a doll that looks like your teacher to school and poke it violently with needles all the way through class.

-Bring a water gun to school and shoot it at whatever you want.

-Bring a razor, shaving cream, and a mirror to school and shave nonchalantly during class.

-After every other word say 'um' or 'like'

-Bring a hockey mask to school and put fake blood on it. Wear it during class.

-Get a keyboard app on your phone or ipod and play the Halloween Movie theme song on it during class!

-Bring chips and water to class and have an early meal.

**Alexandera:**

-Make up wacky, far off nicknames for people using their beginning name and call them by it. (Tricia=Cia=Cilia=Celeste=Lest=Lester)

-Turn of the lights, put a flashlight under your face, and tell spooky stories.

-Exclaim that an imaginary person is on fire.

-Declare that someone punched your imaginary friend and demand that they get a detention.

-Ask a male teacher if they are pregnant. (N/A: I did that to a fat teacher in preschool and my mom grounded me for two hours. But I really didn't know any better! It looked exactly like he was! It was the first time I had ever gotten grounded so I was really mad. I overturned all of the furniture, barricaded the door with a mattress, and strew everything everywhere. That got me grounded for a week. Okay, I'll go now.)

-Dress as a ninja. Declare that 'today is the new Halloween'. Ask people why they aren't wearing a costume.

-Explode in laughter without any reason. See if people join in.

-Do displays of emotion for the Egyptian Revolution in Arabic. (IRHAL IRHAL YA MUBRAK!)

-Ask people to paint Christmas eggs with you. When people correct you saying, 'it's EASTER eggs', yell about how they don't respect your religion.

-Photo-shop pictures of people's faces and tell them, "That's what your baby will look like!"

-Announce an international bunny day. Give around bunny ears. When they refuse to wear them, burst into tears.

**Athenagal88**

-Plan world domination! Have various plans, all using seemingly random and unrelated things.

* * *

Dan and Izek laughed their heads off as they went to Social Studies... these could apply to more then one class!

* * *

**-THE OFFICIAL END! I tried to make the end long, creative, and awesome! I psyched you at first with the Vesper thing! NAH NAH!**

**-I LOVED IT! WORKED HOURS BUT IT PAYED OFF! REVIEW FOOLS! I HOPE I LEFT YOU WITH HAPPINESS!**

**-Yeah. The VWPS is real and so are my friends Vip and Vop. I send them on my secret missions and we all wear black, leather jacket with red V's on the back to scare Cahills. "Oops!" Vermeer is a famous artist that put lots of puzzles in his artwork and he signed his name really cool.**

**-Thanks for all the people who submitted ideas!**

**-Okay... puckish is now my favorite word! It was the word of the day today and it was so awesome I put it in the story! Look up "puckish" if you want to know what it means! It describes this Fanfic! Tell me if you look it up! I want to see who does!**

**-This is the final chapter so review! It is truly awesome! I LOVE YOU ALL AND I ALWAYS WILL! Wait, no! Your currant thoughts are disturbing! Why would you even think I meant it like that?**

**-Hope this goes down in history as awesome! I'll miss this!**

**Where Adventures Begin...**

**Alex Almighty**


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